Here's to all of you

Here's to all of you. 

Here's to you the one who puts their disorderly parents to bed and still has to call that place their home, here's to you the one who's dad hired prostetutes and didn't think twice when hitting his wife, here's to you the one who's friend's above and there's not enough drugs to replace that hug. Here's to you the one who's father's dead and that thought doesn't sit well in your head because it's just not true that he's above comforting you, because all you feel is the left over pain of watching your mother cry in vein. Here's to you the ones with dark eyes and thick thighs, girl you don't need to apologize. Here's to you a failure to your father because you never finished his high school dreams. Here's to the ones who still miss their ex's and here's to the ones who continue to pretend they don't still care. Here's to the ones who will never be like their brothers or go on missions like their sisters. Here's to the girls who spend a grand in making themselves look like someone they think is what people call beautiful... Here's to the ones who see people for who they really are. Here's to the ones that know what really matters and it's not how much your outfit costs or how perfect your skin is. Here's to the ones who need attention but won't ever admit it. Here's to the high flyers that turn into the sky divers. Here's to the dead mothers and the suicidal brothers. Heres to the day time sleepers and night time thinkers. Here's to the ones who are terrified to end up like their fathers. Here's to the orchestra players. Here's to the insecure boys because yes, that's a thing. Heres to the ones who pray for their mothers. Here's to the bell bottom wearers and clock starers. Heres to the nerds who make friends off sharing homework. Here's to the risk takers and rule brakers. 

Here's to all you seniors, good luck out there.

nostalgia

i remember the pretending to be hurt so the doctor at primary children's would give me my favorite sparkly silver bandaid

i remember my bothers head always shaved

i remember always hating my oldest brother

i remember looking up to my sister like she was my mother

i remember telling my mom about my first kiss like it was last week

i remember having parties at my house like everyday was someones birthday

i remember when the whole neighborhood would always hang out at my house

i remember my siblings friends always sneaking out to come night swimming at our house

i remember when the tooth fairy was real

i remember putting my dog in a box with the lid on and my babysitter freaking out for hours where the dog was till i remembered me and clara sorensen put it in a box and i still haven't forgiven myself for it to this day, he survived, died of old age

i remember when my lab got out and we lost him saddest day of my life

i remember riley hannemanns tea party in 3rd grade

i remember always being the little girl who played flag football with the boys in 5th grade

i remember the first time ever falling in love and still convinced that it could never happen again

something to get off my chest

i guess this could be an entry of confessions but that'd take way too long

but this is something i think of every time walking into class

and nelson you mentioned it a few class periods ago, my brothers name

storm

i just want to thank you for the only thing that got my brother through high school and through all the years of all that he was going through, it was your class that kept him here

every time logging onto my blog or walking into class i all of sudden get writers block

I've finally figured out why

and its because all i can think about is how you and your class are the reason my older brother decided to stay and thats a lot to think about how much it all impacted his life

 i just wanted to say thank you nelson for caring about him when no one else did because you saved his life

the story that still doesnt make sense to me

while i was living in california i got put in a freshman class and one day got pulled out by the security guard to go switch out of it

long story short I'm in the counselors office arguing with my counselor how i am currently in my junior year while she continues to ask me where my junior year transcripts are…

after the pointless argument as she still continues to think I'm a senior, i go outside and my lunch was stolen….

the "big" reveal

hey its natalee gray 

the junior in your class who talks too much or not at all

mostly just some loses

I wanted to trash my journal and delete my blog as soon as possible because ever since this class I haven't been able to write like i used to, but nothing to lose right so ill just keep them…

i could've just wrote all my poems on time to get the credit i needed

i guess thats what i should've done

i also really need that extra credit but the book hasn't grabbed me yet so i keep putting it down

i guess i just need to stop taking this class so personal

i don't know

oh and one last thing nelson, I'm not texting in class, i just have lots of drafts in my phone to say the least but for some reason never get my self to actually post them so sorry if it looks like I'm texting, I'm actually just writing

Fear

my biggest fear or at least i like to think it is